What Your Birth Order Really Says About You
Picture this—you’re arguing with your younger sibling, and you just can’t seem to see from their point of view. In the heat of the moment, you blurt out:
“You wouldn’t understand—you’ve always been the youngest.”
Sounds familiar? It’s probably because you’ve heard someone say something along those lines, or maybe you’ve said them yourself. If you don’t have a younger sibling, picture similar words being directed to an older sibling, or maybe even a friend if you’re an only child. It’s easy to assume that some problems are unique to people of a certain birth order, leading us to conclude that we have it the roughest in life. But when everyone seems to claim to have carried the heaviest load in the family, it makes one wonder—which sibling really has it the hardest?
Firstborns go through life without an older sibling to learn from, which can make them feel like the guinea pig among the siblings. As such, the unofficial term “eldest daughter syndrome” emerged in 2022 on social media platforms like TikTok and X. This term recognizes the emotional burden that eldest daughters often go through in their families. While firstborn daughters already experience pressure from being seen as the “role model” child, being female further contributes to the expectation that they help around the house in a patriarchal household. Because these demands are placed on the eldest daughters from a very young age, their childhood is often compromised to meet the needs of their family. This syndrome was generalized into the eldest or oldest child syndrome, a similar concept not limited to girls.
At first glance, all of the above makes it seem like the eldest children have it the hardest, and this is possibly the most popular opinion regarding this topic. However, interestingly enough, it isn’t just those who are born first who relate to this syndrome. Even siblings of a different birth order may find themselves identifying with the symptoms of this diagnosis, which include overachieving, having a strong sense of responsibility toward family members, and carrying people-pleasing tendencies. The labeling of these issues faced by firstborns has also led to new “syndromes,” which acknowledge the problems experienced by people born last or in the middle in their family.
“Middle child syndrome,” for example, is the idea that people born neither first nor last in their family are often neglected or given the least attention. According to a birth order theory by Alfred Adler, due to being sandwiched between their elder and younger siblings, the personalities of middle children may be reduced or overshadowed by those of their siblings, making them seem more neutral or even-tempered. This theory also suggests that middle children are often perceived as the peacemakers between their siblings, who may have more assertive personalities that clash. Moreover, middle children are said to be the least family-oriented and most distant from their parents.
In contrast to the previous labels, the “youngest child syndrome” is often used as an insult to connote spoiled behavior and attention-seeking tendencies. Children born last in their family are often seen as bossy and selfish due to being coddled by their parents. These assumptions, however, neglect the disadvantages of being both a youngest or only child, which include loneliness, comparison with siblings, and the feeling of having to overcompensate or live up to previous siblings’ achievements.
So, going back to the big question: which sibling has it the hardest? If you were waiting for an answer that conveniently matches your birth order, sorry—the honest answer is that there’s no answer. There is no scientific data that proves which sibling shoulders the heaviest burden, just as there is no evidence that all of these “syndromes” will hold true for everyone. Hardship doesn’t belong to one role alone, so perhaps the real conclusion of this debate isn’t a “correct” verdict, but a lesson on recognizing and choosing to empathize with the challenges that come with each sibling’s role, no matter what.
